Tag Archive: Review


I suspect most people who read this weren’t planning on buying Glu Mobile’s Deer Hunter 3D. Deer hunting isn’t exactly big over here, and even among that small sect I doubt many would want to recreate their hunting experience on a phone. DH3D is yet another game I picked up during the Android Market 10p sale that I’ve only just got around to having a go at. And so far it’s the only game I feel like I should have had change from. Certainly the asking price of £2.99 is a joke. The basic mechanic is that you move your weapon’s target reticule over Bambi’s mum and then tap it to fire. But such a simple combat mechanic used against adversaries that don’t even move until you start firing is just downright boring. The only thing livening it up is that the reticule lurches around sickeningly in an attempt to simulate trying to find your target and breathing. But this just comes across as frustrating- lining up a perfect shot is fiddly, and if you miss your first shot (or want to shoot more than one thing) then it will stop you getting a second hit. There’s no button based control scheme as an alternative to the shonky touch controls, and by the time I’d unlocked my first unlockable I was bored. The graphics are attractive if utilitarian and the few sounds aren’t anything to write home about. The only thing I can get behind is the fact there’s a free demo so if for some reason you did like the idea of it you don’t have to commit any money before you change your mind. Overall recommendation? Don’t buy.

Yeah, take that, DEER

Oh deer

Android Market: Deer Hunter 3D (Demo)

Developer: Glu Mobile

Xperia Play Optimised: No

The pitch for Reckless Getaway is pretty simple. It’s a bit 2D GTA, and a bit Burnout. You play a bank robber, you are followed by police down public highways, and you get points for avoiding crashes (or causing them, in the works-the-opposite-to-how-you’d-think Wreckless mode), driving into oncoming traffic, knocking police cars off the road, and picking up coins that litter the track. Doing well gets you points, and stars for unlocking further levels. If your car gets wrecked you carry on, but you’re denied the ability to earn the maximum of four stars- each wreck knocks one star off the available total. Aside from that there’s a few powerups, and that is pretty much the game. And it’s really very good. Simple to play but difficult to master, individual levels are short enough that you can beat one on any given trip to the toilet, and it’s genuinely fun. That’s all the boxes ticked for a really good mobile game. At the moment there’s 84 levels in Getaway mode and 80 in Wreckless, and the developer’s website does suggest that there will be more levels in future, so there’s quite a lot to work your way through.

One things get going it's not unusual to see cars flying all over the shop

There’s a cartoony styling to the graphics which is nice, and the introduction cutscenes being in the form of comic book panels is very neat. On my Xperia Play I’ve not seen any kind of lag or slowdown so it should run perfectly on most newer handsets and I’d expect it to do reasonably well on older less capable phones. Bear in mind that there is a 25MB download required before you can play- this is automatically stuck onto your SD card. I’ve got very few gripes- my main one is that while there are multiple routes around the level, they’re not highlighted particularly well so you can find yourself bashing against a wall you expected to squeeze past. Also there’s only two or three background tunes in the game, and while they aren’t bad, you will soon find them tiresome and turn the volume down a bit. It does have online leaderboarding which requires you to sign up to Polarbit’s Fuse Connect service, but aside from a global leaderboard there’s no other advantages, so if you want to compare high scores with friends, you’ll need to do it the old fashioned way, by telling them and gloating.

In Wreckless mode you assume control of a truck to cause MASSIVE DAMAGE

Reckless Getaway is only £1.27 on the Android Market at the moment, though if like me you bought everything and anything in the 10p sale before Christmas you should find that you already have a copy. At either price, it’s hard not to recommend. The only downside is there’s no free/demo version to try out before you commit, but I reckon it’s definitely worth the pound and a bit.

Android Market: Reckless Getaway

Developer: Polarbit

Xperia Play Optimised: Yes

 

Due Date

When I saw the trailer for Due Date a month or two ago, my first thought was “that looks like Planes, Trains and Automobiles with Robert Downey Junior instead of Steve Martin. And you know what? I was right. Only there’s no trains in it.

What I didn’t get, though, was that Due Date is also one of the burgeoning number of stoner comedies. It does feel quite lazy, that nowadays Hollywood can’t cast a man to just be an irritating moron, there has to be a reason that he’s that stupid, and that reason is that he is on The Drugs. Maybe the film makers feel that Americans need someone to look down on, and a regular irritating moron isn’t a sharp enough drop for their average viewer, so they make the moron be on drugs, so they can have them vomit on screen and conservative America feels smug and intellectual by comparison.

Regardless of the lack of really new ideas, Due Date is not a bad film. There’s not a lot of story to get wrong, RDJ plays an excellent angry straight man to Zach Galifianakis’ socially inept beard man, and there’s definitely laughs to be had. But there’s not a lot of reason to go and see it on the big screen, so I’d probably say wait for the DVD. Or, you know, buy Planes, Trains and Automobiles and then convince one of your friends to be sick in a bin.

This programme actually had very little in the way of explanation as to what was going on. It does feature a punning robot, though.

Last night, I was fortunate enough to get to see Josie Long at the Nook Cafe in the Fishmarket. I say fortunate, because it was sold out and I didn’t have a ticket. I’d tried to get one, obviously, but I couldn’t see where to buy them online and the cafe never answered its phone. I assumed, as one does, that as it’s a hippy caff in the only place artists in Northampton seem to go, that everyone involved had gotten massively stoned and forgotten how things like phones and the internet worked. Not so, I’d just managed to miss out.

Anyway, I turned up and was told that if I hung around long enough I might be lucky and get a no-show ticket. I was told this by a chap called Benji, who I initally wrote off as being an art wanker, however while loitering in the hope of receiving a leftover ticket, we got chatting and he turned out to be a top bloke. We talked about some pictures of somebody’s meals that were hung up on the wall, and a video of a pissed bloke trying to look like an abstract statue, and I realised that I really should do more art things because they can be terribly interesting.

Anyway, after the best part of an hour standing around next to the art I was told I’d got a ticket, which made me very happy. Josie came out to do some “gig admin” to start with and I remembered that I do have a massive crush on her. I was squatted on the front row, on some cushions on the floor, which seemed like a great idea at the time. Then she surrendered the stage to the opening act, a comedian called James somebody. Apparently he was from “Northampton’s own Kettering” but nobody held it against him. It’s quite irritating that I don’t remember his surname as he was really quite good indeed and I’d like to recommend him. He got the audience to join in with tormenting two girls who went out for a wee mid-way through his show (poor bladder control, really) and being at the front I got some lines in this. Very exciting.

Next up was a one-man band calling himself The Pictish Troll. He was short, sported an excellent beard, and wore the foulest jumper I’ve ever seen. And, despite his protestations that he was not a comedian, he was very funny as well as putting out a few marvellous tunes. He was flogging a CD/LP that I would have loved to buy, but unfortunately it’s the wrong end of the month for that kind of thing.

Lastly, the lovely Miss Long returned to the stage to do her bit. For those who don’t really know what she’s about, basically she does quite rambling, tangent-ridden stories that take you all over the place. A bit like a more whimsical, less insane Ross Noble. She does get quite heavily political in places (not a bad thing for me at least, as she’s an out-and-out lefty was struggling not to agree too loudly) but never forgets to be funny with it- at one point she launched into an expletive-riddled attack on the Tories and everyone who’d voted for them that got her rather more applause than I think she was expecting, which was funny to watch.

The theme, if it could be called that, of the show was about being a better person (hence the show being titled “Be Honourable”), but it wasn’t preachy- it was just about Josie’s attempts at putting a bit of effort into being better. And it was a bit inspirational. I was certainly inspired by it. Inspired to do what I don’t really know, apart from write this blog post. But that’s certainly a start, right?

I’m not going to go on and on about The Expendables. Mostly because it’s not really worth it. Which is sad.

The point of the film, if there really was one at any point, was to be a last grand hurrah to the loud stupid action films of the 80s and early 90s. And it is this that it fails at. The cameos feel wasted, the story is paper-thin and the dialogue is unremarkable. A few of the fight scenes are well put together, but others are ruined by gratuitous CGI, and that’s disappointing, because if any film was ever going to do without CGI and have everything done by stuntmen and pyrotechnics, this film should have been it.

You could argue that this is a big stupid film paying tribute to the big stupid films of the past, but even on this level it fails. Because if you were to show this to someone who’d never seen the films that The Expendables is saying goodbye to, they’d not think they’d missed anything. And that’s the real shame.